Retrospect

I got about to watching a movie today, well, a couple of movies, and they got me thinking about stuff that I’ve never really thought about before. They do say that you learn something new everyday. I’ve never really taken it seriously though.

Something struck me as I was watching this movie called Good Will Hunting. It was that, our actions are mostly motivated by fear. Whatever we do, our defensive mechanisms and instincts force us to choose the path of least resistance for fear of going through difficulty. Take a look at the world around you. People work because they are afraid of poverty. They study because they are afraid of becoming jobless. They strive so hard to make a living and they forsake everything because of that, their family, their friends, their enjoyment so as to run as far away from poverty as possible. Then I came to thinking, if people feared so much, when was the real living actually done? My friend is one good example. He hates the education system but still sits through its tortures. Why? Because he’s afraid that if he steps on the path less taken, it will lead him to somewhere unfamiliar and he might fail in life!

People fear the unfamiliar. People who’re afraid of trusting people will hurt other people before they can hurt him. It’s the basic defensive mechanism of human beings. People can go through their entire lives, not being close to anyone for fear of being hurt. It’s really sad. I’m guilty of that too. I’ve only ever thought ****** was the only girl meant for me because I can never forget the security she gave me. I felt that nothing else mattered in the world with her. But when she left it was as though my world came tumbling down. I was left stranded, I was stuck too long in my paradise and when it all fell apart, I was left stark naked in the world. It’s not until now that I’ve realized I’ve never let anyone come close to me, I’ve never let anyone touch me where it really mattered. Thrust out into the unfamiliar, I retracted myself into the shell that was familiar to me, my own heart. I am guilty of living life motivated by fear. I fear so many things that I probably won’t be able to finish counting in a lifetime. I fear the working world, I fear being in love, I fear…

However, in the process of fearing, I have also managed to harm other people around me. People that loved me, people who had no reason to get hurt because of me. Because I never trusted people around me and have always hurt them before they hurt me first, I’ve always said nasty things to people out of fear and spite. Paranoid personality disorder, that’s what they called it. To believe that there are things out there in the world that exist just to harm you. I lived in that world too long. I’ve found people who showed me that the world isn’t as screwed up as it is made out to me. My friends showed me that people can be trusted and people won’t backstab you at any opportune moment. I appreciate them for that. I appreciate the fact that they helped me even though they had no obligation to. I appreciate the fact that people didn’t care about my past or the bad shit I did, they just saw me for who I was in the present. I appreciate that even though my heart was as black as the night sky, they still showered their care and concern on me and reminded me that there was a time that I wasn’t bad and evil. I thank you all for that.

The other movie I watched was “Unbreakable”. It was an awesome movie. It was the kind of superhero movies that you’ll want to watch again and again and again. It’s the kind that every time you watch that show, you’ll learn to look at it from another perspective. It is so well crafted that every character stands out. All his struggles are shown as clear as day. That’s my personal take on it. It may be a load of crap to another person, but I like it. There was an idea in the show that caught my attention. It was that everything has an opposite. Hot and cold, good and bad, black and white, everything in this world has its opposite. If there are people, whose bones are brittle, and they fall sick often with immune system deficiency, wouldn’t there be people who never fall sick? Bones as tough as steel? Have immune systems that can repel any kind of viruses? It is an interesting theory, and as I watched the show “Good Will Hunting”, I could only see how probable it is for these people to exist. Will Hunting was a genius that solved complex algorithms as though they were elementary school arithmetic. Will Hunting is like the opposite of a retard. If people can be opposites mentally, shouldn’t there be a possibility that they may be opposites physically?

Another thing I learned from the shows was that, every individual is unique. Of course everybody knows that, but if we look at how billions of lives entwine with one another and cause major events that can never be caused by just one person, you’ll see how the entire world is like a living organism with each of us playing a small but vital part in this harmonic world. It’s as though whatever we do, it is a small part of a humongous master plan for Earth. It is like we’re part of a gigantic machine, each of us play a different part. Maybe I’m a screw, an insignificant part of the machine that if you lose one or two, it doesn’t really make a difference, or maybe I’m the fuel that drives this entire rig, without me this thing can’t move. Whatever it is, we are small, we are insignificant, there are billions of others like us, the world would not weep if just 1 out of a billion is lost. However, each individual leads their own lives; they have jobs, families, kids. By looking at each individual life, you would see a whole plethora of wonders. Little experiences that are unique to only them and them alone. Each life is different, each experience if special. That is what makes our existence as the human race so very interesting.