Perfection

“Common man seeks it out. (Perfection) They aspire to attain it as though it were some tangible thing” This is from the Bleach Manga. Yes, I was also quite surprised when I saw this issue’s topic of debate – Perfection. Why did I remember it? The debate on perfection has always been cliché and ancient, however, this soliloquy of Mayuri-sama made me sit up and really reminisce the times I thought about perfection. What made me notice it was the fact that was in Bleach, and also that it was so impressively argued. With the drawings, it looked like art. To see it in my minds eye, it was as though Mayuri-sama himself was reciting those lines, so beautiful, so poetic, it could make the toughest pirate of the seven seas cry.

What do I think about perfection? It’s exactly like Mayuri said. We chase after it like our lives depend on it. We always seek to improve ourselves; we always seek to make ourselves superior to what we were before. But what we don’t realize is that, perfection can never be attained. Tyler Durden once said, “Self improvement’s masturbation, self destruction is the answer. I say never be perfect, I say never be complete. Evolve, and let the chips fall where they may.” We seek to speed up the process of evolution rather than let it happen naturally. Why the obsession with perfection? In time we will improve, but we’ll always fall short of perfection. Where people try to define perfection, I believe that it is something unattainable. I might piss some believers off here, but you might argue, “God is perfect.” Is he really? When he flooded the Earth for 40 days and 40 nights, did he not admit that he had made a mistake? A mistake is an imperfection, is he perfect then? Moreover, God is a product of man’s imagination. God was created by man, in man’s eyes he is perfect, due to the fact that he is a figment of imagination. The bible did not descend from heaven. The bible was written by man. And man, is not perfect. However, by making this statement, we assume that religion and God are interrelated. In actual fact, how do we know if God is real or not? The God depicted in the bible might be no where close to the omnipotent being that sits upon his throne of clouds. To explore all possibilities, there could even be no God. To those who are strong believers in religion, once again I apologize. This is merely a hypothesis, I know it’s a sensitive issue, so please don’t take this to heart. I do not intend to question your faith.

Apart from thinking about the issue of perfection, I watched “The Gridiron Gang” today. It’s quite an interesting show about changing lives. However, I was not concerned about the themes of the show. In actual fact, I was thinking about myself. Thoughts about me ran through my mind like wildebeests in stampede. I thought about the way I saw myself. I saw myself as someone hubristic. But what I realized was that, whereas hubris is to consider oneself to be more knowledgeable or superior than others, one has to have at least the knowledge, or the ability to have the privilege of hubris, I had neither ability nor knowledge. Then it suddenly dawned on me, I puffed myself up full of nothing but hot air. Where people with amazing abilities kept themselves humble, I, with nothing but hot air, have the audacity to consider my shit smells sweeter than most. To call myself “hubris” is an insult to the word itself. To assume that I know everything, when I know nothing is a joke. I have made a mockery of myself. Behold, the fool who thought himself God, the stupid elitist, the failure of a perfectionist.

Apart from realizing my own stupidity, I thought about the privileges that I took advantage of. Let me name an example - Love. For as long as I can remember, I have always assumed that people will love me. That love will find me someday and we could live happily ever after. That was until the definition of insanity struck me. The definition of insanity: To do something over and over again, and expect different results. Which was about the time I realized that I was insane. Stuck in the monotony of this life, where each day is just a copy of a copy of a copy, I expect to find love? Who was I kidding? The maxim which I lived by was “hold nothing”. To hope for love to find me one day, was a mockery of my principles and beliefs. If someone was to “hold nothing” and he prayed for love, wouldn’t that be a contradiction of his own beliefs? And it then made me rethink my life and how I lived it. Expect nothing to be given to you, but yet give everything you got. Live like each day’s your last, fight like you’ll live forever. To hope is a luxury I cannot afford. What has been given to me is a privilege not a right. Being frank with myself, love is something I cannot handle, neither do I deserve it. It would be much more convenient for me to just love others without expecting anything in return. Come to think of it, I would discourage anybody from loving me, I can’t handle it. Well, I don’t think I can.

I’ve decided that my love is to be shared, expecting nothing in return; makes me sound like some philanthropist of love. Nothing of that sort, I’m no generous person. I just feel that people who need care and concern will receive both from me. I bet many of you think I’m just full of it, I’m not. Let’s just put it this way, one who doesn’t expect anything, will not be disappointed when it is not given to him. “Hold nothing”, to be able to detach oneself from everything and everyone, to not rely on anything, to be independent. I haven’t really been keeping to my end of the bargain; I guess this is the time to do so. I’ve made my decision; love but do not expect to be loved. Care for others, but do not expect to be cared for. To look on the brighter side, at least I won’t get hurt by anything or anyone. Hold Nothing: If you meet the Buddha, kill the Buddha. If you meet your ancestor, kill your ancestor. Free of everything, bound by nothing, live your life as it is. That is what it means to be truly free. “If I had to relive my life again, I’d do the same thing over again. Because no matter what I did or said, I would have no regrets, I would live my days one step at a time, knowing in the end that destiny would bring us together, for one last fight, for one last breath, for one last day of freedom.” – Boys of Fate. I’m just taking the first steps to living my life free of everything. Being a boy of fate, letting the winds of change carry me to whatever destination it decides. Could that be something close to perfection? Maybe. After all, they say the master plan for us all is immaculate.