Due to the fact that I have been under duress to update, here goes. As I sat down to update my Blog today, I realized that I could not type a single phrase out. Other than belittling myself, making negative comments about what I observe from the world around me, observing and reporting trends that are detrimental to society, I really can’t think of anything else. It seems that my ability to complain and nitpick had gone out the window. Maybe I’ll write about something else for a change – perspective. All along, I’ve seen the world as a horrid place to be in, picking on all the bad things that have arisen from it, and I guess, that’s what most people think as well. Everybody complains about their job, their family, their girlfriend, their underpants, their café latte, whatever they can complain about, they will complain. And Singaporeans are best at that. If there was an Olympic complaining event, I think
This post, unfortunately, it’s not about my observations of the world. Instead, this post is on introspecting, looking within me to see what has or has not happened to me. What has changed from Nick v1.0 and the new (and improved?) Nick v2.0. Previously, I didn’t think of myself rather highly. I thought myself as arrogant, an empty vessel that makes a lot of noise, not worth the ground I walk on, a pain to be with, fake, etc etc. However, I realized that the more I think myself that way, the more I’ll become that. The issue is not who you are, but more of what’s your perspective of yourself. And to you, your perspective is what makes you. For example, if you were to think your Economics teacher is a bald guy who doesn’t know jack about his material, he’ll be a bald guy who doesn’t know jack about his material no matter how you look at him. Your perspective makes the person who he is. Moreover, when you look at yourself through that lens of whatever you think of yourself, sooner or later, you’ll grow into that perspective of yourself. After all, your mind cannot differentiate between what’s real and imagined, and the more you think that the qualities you picked for yourself are real, they will become you. And the lens I saw myself through has become me. I have become arrogant, fake, someone who spews nonsense, amazingly low self worth and other stuff. That is a mistake that I hope, will not happen again.
The consequences of the qualities that I saw myself having previously, although I thought were pretty insignificant I realized affected my friends, my classmates, my family and people who love me on a large scale. Although that might be the perspective I had for myself, and I thought nobody knew, you are what you perceive yourself. So, when I tried to help people, the helping hand was not that of a stronger individual, a well fleshed out hand that can provide the security that people needed; instead it was a mottled, rotten hand that seemed needed more help than the individual it was trying to help. Nobody would accept help from something or someone more pathetic than themselves and it was a problem, I ended up being the helpee instead of the helper. I did not know this, but it seems that everybody knew before I did. Well, I hardly feel that that will happen anymore. After all, I’m a changed man? Trust begets trust, you have to learn to trust yourself before you allow yourself trust others or others to trust you. Previously, I did not trust myself, but now that I’ve found it within me to trust myself, perhaps I can allow myself to trust others. Trust is not a right, but a privilege. And I’m glad that I’ve realized that, for previously I demanded trust, now I’m prepared to work for it.
Truth of the matter is, everybody is great and powerful. But we often do not see that within ourselves. All of us do not wish to acknowledge that we have that power to change lives. Every failure that we experience pushes down our self esteem a bit more. Every “I’m not good enough”, every “I can’t do this” pushes us down a little more. What’s our greatest fear? It’s not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. However, people focus on their inadequacies and not on their strengths. They ask, “Who are we to assert our existence on this planet?” Then ask yourselves this, “Who are we not to?” We were born with the right to shine, and by shining, we give others permission to do the same. I wish to acknowledge that I have the power; the power to change the world. I may not be able to fly, or shoot webs from my wrist, but I have my perspective and my mindset and those are bulletproof. It does not matter how I change the world, it does not matter whether I invent a cure for HIV or unite the entire world under one flag. What does matter is that I have set my mind to it, I will change the world, whether one person at a time, or converting entire continents to my cause, as long as there is the intention, and that there is 100% commitment, it will happen.
“You are not the car you drive, you are not the clothes you wear, you are not your bank account, you are not your bowel cancer,” Tyler Durden once said this. I would like to add one more line, “You are not the image you portray to others,” We all have a mask that we hide behind; A shell that we retreat in an embarrassing situation or tough time. However, that shell is not us; that shell is not who we are. I have been wearing a mask, in my shell for a really long time. I have been an asshole for too long. I want to be able to help others. I want to be the bringer of hope, to relieve people of their pain and sadness; I want to be able to put a smile on their faces. I love it when people smile, it’s as though through that smile, you can see them baring their heart for a peek, and their heart is just so beautiful that you just can’t get enough of it. I want the whole world to greet each other with hugs. The hug is a lovely act to give and receive. It feels so warm, so secure, so honest and innocent. I may be afraid to show the world what I want to achieve for fear that I will be ridiculed, that people will not accept my view, but, I won’t know until I try. Take the plunge and hope for the best. Let love be your energy and trust be your language. Let’s all make this world a better place to live in.
