Sheer Madness

I was once asked whether I would go out with myself. What can I say, I believe I’m the industry standard that all guys should benchmark against if they ever want to be nothing short of the best boyfriend in the world.

“But you’re not rich, nor good looking, why would any girl be lucky to have you?” Fair question. When did superficial things ever matter? Yes, financial security might be important, but when has any excess security beyond what is actually needed ever benefitted anyone? Do you want to be spoilt like a princess for the rest of your life and depend on a guy for the rest of your life? If that’s the case, he’s not a good boyfriend, he’s an excellent credit provider at 0% interest with immediate write-off functionalities.

Good looks fade, or can be rectified by plastic surgery. And I think I look fine, though I wouldn’t complain to shaving a couple of millimetres off my nose. I might not be drop dead gorgeous, but I am pleasant looking. And if a you’re with a guy because he looks good, then you’re better off dating a standee, those looks don’t fade.

But enough with what I’m not. Let me tell you what I am. I change people. “But love is about loving someone for who they are”. I beg to differ. I continuously grow beside the love of my life. I help her become a better person than she can hope to be, and she brings out the best in me. If the girl I’m with doesn’t make me strive to be a better person, for her and for myself, or if she doesn’t like to change for the better, maybe you don’t need a “best boyfriend”.

And now I’ll share what I think is a perfect relationship. A perfect relationship to me is one built upon a foundation of a mutual decision to love one another. That no matter what happens in the world, I can return home to this 1 fixed point. To me, love is a decision, a commitment between 2 individuals. The feelings are inconsequential as feelings fade, but a conscious effort to maintain a decision will keep any relationship alive.

Chemistry is important in any relationship. But chemistry is different from feelings. Chemistry is that thing you have when you can complete each others’ sentences, that content and security one gets when just in the presence of the other. Chemistry is the communication that occurs when speech has failed. Chemistry is knowing exactly what the other is thinking even if you were deaf, mute, blind or halfway across the world. Bordering on ESP, but yeah you get the drift.

What I’m looking for in a relationship is consistency. That no matter what the future holds, when the world has fallen apart at the seams and all semblance of civilisation has crumbled into anarchy, even if you were worlds’ away, I know for a fact that at the end of time, you will still be there for me. What I’m looking for is certainty. A decision on your part to love me as I have made that decision to love you. What I provide you, I too am looking for it in you. Security, comfort, a person to talk to, companionship, everything a friend can be but much more. I want to be vulnerable with you, as you are with me. I want to feel safe in sharing my deepest darkest secrets and know for a fact that they are protected. In return, I will protect you as a man protects the love of his life. I will lay my life down for you if need be. You can count on me to weather us through any hardships we might face, any trials or tribulation life might throw at us. We will be 2 individuals in 1 soul, bonded together by more than just the power of love, but the unwavering decision that we will support one another till death do us part.

But till now I have no idea why you don’t wish to share that life with me. For the life of me I cannot understand why you would pass that up. I love you dearly, and it’s much too obvious that you feel the same way about me, yet you refuse to admit to your stubborn self that you do, insistent that what you feel is not love. Let me remind you that you will only cherish something when you lose it. And you are throwing away the person that can love you more than you can ever imagine. If you wish to pass that chance up, so be it. I assure you you’ll regret it, I can tell you that you’ll never find someone like me but yet you still choose to walk off that cliff. I can’t hold on to a rope that has flown down the cliff along with you. You’ve made your choice.